It’s time to take a break from the intense condition produced by COVID-19. Let’s step back and take a deep breath. Maybe laughter is the best medicine for today, or maybe a little groaning after reading some of these. The Lighter side of Casino Gambling…Laughter Ahead
REMEMBER THIS ONE?
“What’ll you have, Norm?”
Norm: “Well, I’m in a gambling mood, so I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.”
“Looks like beer, Norm.”
Norm: “Call me Mister Lucky.”Cheers
I know how to make a small fortune from gambling…….start with a large fortune
Slots of Fun
Old guy – “Yes, I have a retirement plan – I plan to play slots.”
Joe, “Moe, you like playing slot machines?” Moe, “yeah. It gives me a chance to catch up on some swear words I haven’t used in a while!”
Definition of Illegal Gambling – The times you win.
The absolute best strategy for getting a jackpot on a slot machine – -> walk away and let someone else sit down.
Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed to sit on the bench at the entrance and wait for the other when his allotted money was gone.
Jones quickly lost all of his money. So he waited and waited on the bench.
He finally saw Smith coming toward him. “Hey, Jones,” said Smith, “how’d you do?”
“Well, Smith,” said Jones, “I’m here on this bench. What do you think? Did you hit it big?”
“Oh yeah,” said Smith, holding a bag of coins.“I found a good machine! You can’t lose! Every time you put in a dollar, four quarters come out.”
Horse Racing – THE LIGHTER SIDE OF CASINO GAMBLING
The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. In addition, each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit.
Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw. She looked out the window and saw a man across the street who obviously known better days. Immediately, she walked across toward the man, sent by Heaven to receive her offering.
She pressed the $50 into the man’s hands and said, “Godspeed, my good man.”
As she left, the man called out to her, “What is your name?”
Shyly, she replied, “Sister Catherine Ann.”
The following evening, the man returned and asked to see Sister Catherine Ann.
The nun at the door answered, “I’m sorry, she’s in the chapel. May I give her a message?”
“Yes,” said the man gleefully. “Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at the horse race.”
“Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.”– W.C. Fields
The Lottery – The lighter Side of Casino Gambling
John: Did you hear about the new Mega-ball State Lottery for 10 million dollars??
Jen: Nope, sounds great.
John: Not really; the winning person gets 10 dollars a year for a million years!
Definition: Lottery – A tax on people who are bad at math.
What did the origami bird say at the poker table? “I guess I fold, again!”
Last night I got thrown out of the casino. I completely misunderstood the crap table.
What’s the difference between a pizza and a poker player? – Pizza can feed a family of three.
- A middle aged couple were overheard in a casino elevator.
- He said, ” You what?! You lost $40 on the slots!
- Are you crazy?!” She said, ” But you lost $1,000 on the tables!!!”
- He replied, ” Yeah, but I know how to GAMBLE!”.
Feelin’ Lucky, Punk? – THE LIGHTER SIDE OF CASINO GAMBLING
At the casino, I lost so badly I had to sell the car in the parking garage. The people at the car rental place are going to be really angry.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? – A rash of good luck
“If you ain’t just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven’t studied the games enough.”
I was in Vegas last week, and a guy is standing in front of the Binion’s Horseshoe, and he appears to be panhandling. Walking by him, he says to me, “Sir, my wife has died. I need money to bury her. Can you help me out?” I answer him, “Why should I give you money. You’re just going to take it and go gambling!” He looks at me and says, ” You got it all wrong; I’ve got gambling money!”
Related Post – Gambling Jokes
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That’s all for now.