Ever look at the casino as a wild life preserve? It can seem to be very similar. There are many different kinds of wild life in the casino preserve like:
- The Blackjack Hoot Owl (Tells you the best way to play, whether you want to hear it or not)
- The Slot Crow (Always complains loudly about the tightness of machines and how they never win)
- The Strategy Dodo (doesn’t know how, doesn’t care to know how, and wants you to stop everything to lead them through whatever game it is they’re playing)
In the slot machine exhibit,there are many different species of slot players. Some are quiet and keep to themselves. Others expect everyone around them to be social, sharing their legendary wins, their misinformed superstitions, and giving their unasked for advice.
But one is genus in the slot exhibit is considered the most annoying and rude of all of them – the SLOT VULTURE, or the Scientific name “Aegypius Monachus Unum Armate Apparatus.” (Latin for ‘One Arm Machine Vulture’)
Anyone can see them, they are easy to detect, especially if your are in the slot machine pits. It only takes a few minutes for the most aware casino visitor to notice them – circling around certain machines.
They seem to cunning and sly, but it’s easy to know what there intention is – THEY WANT YOUR MACHINE!
Maybe it’s their favorite, or maybe the limit progressive is getting close to the “must pay by” jackpot. Either way, I like to outwit the slot vultures around me. I try teasing them, like:
- making them think I was leaving, but, oops, just stretching.
- checking my wallet or email – EVERY TIME MY CREDITS WERE LOW.
- acting like I was calling someone to ask them to bring more money
Yes, the slot Human Slot Vulture is a conniving, rude and annoying animal, yet quite naive since we are quite aware of them and understand their animal-like intentions. Their normal habitat can be found in the slot machine area of any casino.
The following comparison is inspired by “Wild Birds Expert” Melissa Mayntz article “20 Fun Facts and Trivia About Vultures” found in Birding/Wild Birds Expert at About.com. Notice the resemblances of the two species.
Fact 1. Vultures are relatively social roost in large flocks. Human vultures however are content to hunt alone or in very small groups, since they are very territorial once they sit down
Fact 2. Vultures prefer fresh meat but are able to consume carcasses that may have rotted so much as to be dangerous for other animals. Human Vultures prefer fresh meat as well – we all know that the last human slot player made their new prey available and ready to eat, I mean Slot Machine and “DUE to hit.”
Fact 3. Vultures have excellent senses of sight and smell to help them locate food, as do the human variety. Human vultures have keen eyesight to view slot players leaving seats even before the previous slot player has actually “vacated” the seat. This makes them much fun to play with by faking them out repeatedly.
Fact 4. Vultures have bare heads, often bare necks and relatively weak legs and feet. This similarity could explain the fact that less slot players are millennials and most slot players are “boomers” and older.
Fact 5. It is a myth that vultures actually circle dying animals waiting to feed. These birds are powerful fliers and will soar on thermals while they look for food, but when they locate a carcass, they will approach it quickly to begin feeding before other predators find it. However, the human species tends to hover, and watch, even before the carcass, or player’s session, is dead – often feigning interest in their play to get in position to pounce on the next empty seat.
Now for the weirdest of all, and probably the most shocking:
Fact 6. Vultures urinate on their legs and feet to help cool off on hot days. Did you know that most Las Vegas casinos have employees clean the seats in the early morning for this same reason!
Luckily, the human species won’t hurt you. They usually just move on to their next possible conquest.
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Have a great session, but be careful – it’s like a zoo in there!
(Please enjoy one of my most read rants “Stupid Human Tricks” here. Sometimes I can’t help myself. But as Tim Dressen in his book “Outsiders Guide to Las Vegas”) reminded me, “It’s my Blog, so I can post my opinion if I want to!” )