And now for the lighter side of gambling…
Last night I got thrown out of the casino. I completely misunderstood the crap table.
At the casino I lost so badly I had to sell the car in the car park. The people at the car rental place are going to be really angry.
John: Did you hear about the new Mega-ball State Lottery for 10 million dollars??
Jen: Nope, sounds great.
John: Not really, the winning person gets 10 dollars a year for a million years!
A middle aged couple were overheard in a casino elevator. He said, ” You what?! You lost $40 on the slots! Are you crazy?!” She said, ” But you lost $1,000 on the tables!!!” He replied, ” Yeah, but I know how to GAMBLE!”.
Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for his friend.
Jones quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, he saw Smith coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins. “Hey, Jones,” said Smith, “how’d you do?”
“Well, Smith”, said Jones, “you see me here on this bench. what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though.”
“Oh yeah,” said Smith, “did I find a good machine! It’s way in the back. I’ll show it to you-you can’t lose! Every time you put in a dollar, four quarters come out.
The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit. Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest.
Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw. As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor. She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven to receive her offering. She pressed the $50 into the man’s hands and said, “Godspeed, my good man.”
As she left, the man called out to her, “What is your name?”
Shyly, she replied, “Sister Catherine Ann.”
The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. “I’d like to see Sister Catherine Ann,” he said.
The nun at the door answered, “I’m sorry, but I cannot disturb her right now. She’s in the chapel. May I give her a message?”
“Yes,” said the man gleefully. “Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at the horse race.”
REMEMBER THIS ONE FROM “CHEERS”?
“What’ll you have, Norm?”
“Well, I’m in a gambling mood, so I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.”
“Looks like beer, Norm.”
“Call me Mister Lucky.”
That’s all for now!