Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler – The Snarky, Sarcastic Version.

VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler is a snarky, sarcastic parody concerning the rationalizing of habits by ignorant recreational gamblers. It’s BASICALLY MEANT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AND MY THERAPEUTIC RANTING.

Gamblers around me at the casino drive me crazy. This post includes snarky, sarcastic Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler. At these times, I become a “cup-half-empty” kind of guy.The Dark Side rises and I just want choke them like Darth Vadar so they will stop talking.

The things  I hear at the casino really “crushes my quads!”  (Taking deep breath………) . Ok, i’m better now.

Recreational gamblers are often uninformed. Subsequently, better gambling strategies and advantage gambling tactics are not part of their gambling repertoire. As my mother-in-law used to say, “Whatever floats your boat.”

However, I can’t tell a lie. When I hear players spout off their lack of understanding, mired in their myths, it really “agitates my aces.”  (Taking another deep breath, uttering the mantra “embrace the math, not the myth; embrace the math……)

BACK TO Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler

This post was inspired by Ryan Craggs who wrote an article for Yahoo Travel called “The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make in a Casino.”

So, if  you care about playing longer, and  losing less you already understand the sarcasm.  For the most part, if  you want to give yourself the best chance at winning, then this article is for entertainment means only.  For me, it is more therapeutic.

IGNORANCE IS BLISS

What if you make those decisions because it doesn’t matter to you.  Not in a negative way, the reading and practice involved takes the fun out of it for you. Consequently, tier status or if you have a host isn’t enough of a concern. And Freebies? – they’re nice, but maybe you’re content with $10 free slot play. Maybe it’s all about socializing with your friends – going clubbing and paying $10 for a Bud Light.

So, here is my variation on Ryan Craggs article.  By the way, I mean no disrespect to his post.  Please read Ryan’s article and all those other articles about what not to do when you’re at the casino.

Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler – The Snarky, Sarcastic Version.

FEELING LUCKY? PUNK?

Yes, remember anyone can just walk into a casino and win! Never mind that casino “house edge” that so many people talk about.  Some one’s got to win, and you have as good a chance as the next guy to have blind luck hit in your favor. Besides, I have a friend who’s cousin’s aunt’s nephew never loses in this casino.  NEVAH!  And he doesn’t even know how to play.th (24)

THERE IS NO NEED TO TIP MY WAITRESS or DEALER. I work just as hard as they do!

I’m entitled to free drinks when I gamble.  That’s $1 more for my quarter Video Keno game. Hey, they get paid by the casino. I need to keep all my winnings.

KNOWING WHEN TO PLAY MAX BET at slots Isn’t  IMPORTANT.  Slots are all programmed anyway

I never play MAX BET. Getting that progressive jackpots is basically your time or not your time.  MAX BET is just their way of getting your money quicker. Besides, I just like the symbols on this slot. It’s entertainment, and it’s in a section that I can get free drinks easier. (See previous suggestion)th (25)

I don’t care if it’s 6:5, 5:6 or 867-5309 BACKJACK3:2, 6:5, what does it matter?  

Supposedly, I lose $3 on each blackjack, and increases the casino’s edge. Who cares, it’s about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right? I play 6:5 BJ because it “really doesn’t matter.”

(NETG aside – WHILE ON THE TOPIC OF BLACKJACK…. NOT HITTING ON 16 (two 8’s) vs. DEALER’S 10, SPLITTING 10’s, and TAKING INSURANCE – you don’t really care about losing? How about giving the house even more edge. If the table is “hot,” bet on your gut-wrenched hunch. Remember it’s all about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right?)

Playing with house money? I thought it was the Players?

I PLAN TO PLAY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. IF I’M UP, I’LL CONTINUE TO PLAY ON THE HOUSE MONEY

When I hit once, or twice on whatever game i’m playing, I’m in a ZONE – I need to keep playing.  (NETG – Just a word of caution from Mr. Craggs, “There are roughly over 1,500 casinos in the U.S. alone. They’re proven moneymakers. Sure, you can win money, but if you play long enough, you won’t.”)  Hey, if I in the ZONE, and I’m ahead, I’m playing with the casino’s money.  It’s like I’m playing for free – play on!

Casino Redemtion / ATM machineI g0 TO THE ATM FOR MORE MONEY, after my bankroll is gone.  I can get those losses back, no problem.

Sure, I know about that house advantage, but this losing streak can’t possibly continue. I’m due. Need more money.  I’ll get it back.

I love GIVING UNSOLICITED advice TO “HELP” OTHER PLAYERS.  

The other day I heard that “some slots pay better if you play two credits, not three” and “that some video poker machines don’t pay out for anyone.  If it’s cold, don’t play it.” By the way,”don’t double down here, this casino has the cards rigged. That’s how they make their money.  You, too, can be helpful (NETG – and intensely disliked) by giving information like this.

You should STAY AT that SLOT BECAUSE “IT’S DUE”

That slot machine is about to hit. You know they go in cycles. Those cycles are programmed to pay out. I saw the same thing happen to that same machine yesterday.the guy playing it left and the next lady hit the jackpot after three pulls. So, you stay so that NOBODY gets YOUR JACKPOT!th (26)

I’m NOT PLAYING WITH A REWARDS CARD

It’s just Big Brother watching me.  You know darn well the casino connects you to all sorts of inter-web stuff.  Better to be anonymous, (NETG – so they can’t give you comps, points for dining, tickets for concerts and special gambling offers – you know, things you’ll feel guilty about later.) Besides, if they know I’m winning, they will change the payout on the machine while I’m playing.

THE END

I REPEAT my VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – THIS POST IS RIFE WITH SARCASM & UNTRUTHS. It’s BASICALLY MEANT Your ENTERTAINMENT and my ranting only.  THE TRUTH ABOUT MONEY MANAGEMENT, RANDOM NUMBER GENERATORS IN SLOT MACHINES AND GAME STRATEGY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY IGNORED. NOW, GO FLOAT YOUR BOAT.

That’s all for now.

Binbin

Pai Gow Poker Tips

Pai Gow Poker sounds like a difficult game to play. Playing any new table game at the casino for the first time can be intimidating. Knowing how to play your cards as well as knowing the rules of the table is a lot the first time. This is when Pai Gow Poker Tips come in handy.

The emotional feeling of being embarrassed in front of other players is enough to go play the nearest slot instead. Even though there is that intimidation factor in playing any new table game, Pai Gow isn’t necessarily one of them.

Last year I made a resolution to play new games.  So far, I have learned Pai Gow, 3 Card Poker and continues playing Craps. Here are my personal suggestions that helped me dig into that resolution and DO it!

Related posts: 7 Beginner’s Tips for Pai Gow Poker  and Resources for Gambling Part 3 – Pai Gow Poker

1) Prepare before playing at the casino.

Practice, using an app for your smart phone and (I can’t say this enough) visit the Wizard of Odds website. Once there, you can learn the basics of the game, and learn strategy with the training game, all for free.

2) Play in the early morning

I enjoy playing early when I have the casino to myself. This is an opportune time to ease into play. When I played at first at Borgata last year,  I was very lucky to find an empty table just waiting for me.  The dealer and the pit boss both taught my first live lesson. I had my own personal table, complete with professional tutors!

3) Things you can only learn at the table.

There are just some things you can’t learn on an app, like:

  • With the use of a shuffle master, you have to wait for the green button to go off before picking up your cards.  You have to wait to be sure the deal is good.
  • There is a  commission on each hand. It equals $1.25 on a $5 winning bet.
  • The Fortune bonus side bet is available. Dealers and players will help you.
  • The house has certain rules to set both hands, and the player can always ask to have the hands done by house rules as well as asking other players.
  • The numbers on the table refer to the random number chosen to start dealing the hands.

4)  Final considerations

  • Over 60% of the hands played will end in a push
  • The Strategy is not hard to learn
  • Pai Gow has a very low house edge, which makes it a good game to play to lengthen your session.
  • because of the low house edge, comps are harder to come by because rewards points are often slower to accrue.

While I didn’t last that long (being the only player at the table will do that) at Borgata, it was a great experience.  I have since played at MGM Springfield, Mohegan Sun, Foxwoods, Twin River Casino and Tiverton Casino, with varying results.  But, I find it fun, slow for those times you want to spend more time, and usually a friendly game.

It’s Story Time

Here is one last story. While I was attending Zorkfest, Las Vegas, I decided to go next door to the Mirage to play some Pai Gow. I never played side bets because I always thought they had too much of a house edge for me to play them. According to the  Wizard of Odds website, “Fortune” is a side bet in Pai Gow Poker pays based on the value of the player’s seven cards. It doesn’t not matter how the player sets his hand. In addition, you will get an “Envy Bonus.” if another player has a four of a kind or better and played the Fortune bet  At every table I have seen there is a $5 minimum and the Envy Bonus is a fixed amount.

Like I said, I never play the side bet. But, On this night, however, one player at the table had 5 Aces (there is one joker that can be the value of an ace).  At 400 to 1, his $5 bet won $2000.00.  Everyone else at the table was paid the envy bonus of $250, except one – ME!

Needless to say, I almost always play the Fortune Bonus.

Binbin