Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler – The Snarky, Sarcastic Version.

VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler is a snarky, sarcastic parody concerning the rationalizing of habits by ignorant recreational gamblers. It’s BASICALLY MEANT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AND MY THERAPEUTIC RANTING.

Gamblers around me at the casino drive me crazy. This post includes snarky, sarcastic Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler. At these times, I become a “cup-half-empty” kind of guy.The Dark Side rises and I just want choke them like Darth Vadar so they will stop talking.

The things  I hear at the casino really “crushes my quads!”  (Taking deep breath………) . Ok, i’m better now.

Recreational gamblers are often uninformed. Subsequently, better gambling strategies and advantage gambling tactics are not part of their gambling repertoire. As my mother-in-law used to say, “Whatever floats your boat.”

However, I can’t tell a lie. When I hear players spout off their lack of understanding, mired in their myths, it really “agitates my aces.”  (Taking another deep breath, uttering the mantra “embrace the math, not the myth; embrace the math……)

BACK TO Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler

This post was inspired by Ryan Craggs who wrote an article for Yahoo Travel called “The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make in a Casino.”

So, if  you care about playing longer, and  losing less you already understand the sarcasm.  For the most part, if  you want to give yourself the best chance at winning, then this article is for entertainment means only.  For me, it is more therapeutic.

IGNORANCE IS BLISS

What if you make those decisions because it doesn’t matter to you.  Not in a negative way, the reading and practice involved takes the fun out of it for you. Consequently, tier status or if you have a host isn’t enough of a concern. And Freebies? – they’re nice, but maybe you’re content with $10 free slot play. Maybe it’s all about socializing with your friends – going clubbing and paying $10 for a Bud Light.

So, here is my variation on Ryan Craggs article.  By the way, I mean no disrespect to his post.  Please read Ryan’s article and all those other articles about what not to do when you’re at the casino.

Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler – The Snarky, Sarcastic Version.

FEELING LUCKY? PUNK?

Yes, remember anyone can just walk into a casino and win! Never mind that casino “house edge” that so many people talk about.  Some one’s got to win, and you have as good a chance as the next guy to have blind luck hit in your favor. Besides, I have a friend who’s cousin’s aunt’s nephew never loses in this casino.  NEVAH!  And he doesn’t even know how to play.th (24)

THERE IS NO NEED TO TIP MY WAITRESS or DEALER. I work just as hard as they do!

I’m entitled to free drinks when I gamble.  That’s $1 more for my quarter Video Keno game. Hey, they get paid by the casino. I need to keep all my winnings.

KNOWING WHEN TO PLAY MAX BET at slots Isn’t  IMPORTANT.  Slots are all programmed anyway

I never play MAX BET. Getting that progressive jackpots is basically your time or not your time.  MAX BET is just their way of getting your money quicker. Besides, I just like the symbols on this slot. It’s entertainment, and it’s in a section that I can get free drinks easier. (See previous suggestion)th (25)

I don’t care if it’s 6:5, 5:6 or 867-5309 BACKJACK3:2, 6:5, what does it matter?  

Supposedly, I lose $3 on each blackjack, and increases the casino’s edge. Who cares, it’s about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right? I play 6:5 BJ because it “really doesn’t matter.”

(NETG aside – WHILE ON THE TOPIC OF BLACKJACK…. NOT HITTING ON 16 (two 8’s) vs. DEALER’S 10, SPLITTING 10’s, and TAKING INSURANCE – you don’t really care about losing? How about giving the house even more edge. If the table is “hot,” bet on your gut-wrenched hunch. Remember it’s all about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right?)

Playing with house money? I thought it was the Players?

I PLAN TO PLAY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. IF I’M UP, I’LL CONTINUE TO PLAY ON THE HOUSE MONEY

When I hit once, or twice on whatever game i’m playing, I’m in a ZONE – I need to keep playing.  (NETG – Just a word of caution from Mr. Craggs, “There are roughly over 1,500 casinos in the U.S. alone. They’re proven moneymakers. Sure, you can win money, but if you play long enough, you won’t.”)  Hey, if I in the ZONE, and I’m ahead, I’m playing with the casino’s money.  It’s like I’m playing for free – play on!

Casino Redemtion / ATM machineI g0 TO THE ATM FOR MORE MONEY, after my bankroll is gone.  I can get those losses back, no problem.

Sure, I know about that house advantage, but this losing streak can’t possibly continue. I’m due. Need more money.  I’ll get it back.

I love GIVING UNSOLICITED advice TO “HELP” OTHER PLAYERS.  

The other day I heard that “some slots pay better if you play two credits, not three” and “that some video poker machines don’t pay out for anyone.  If it’s cold, don’t play it.” By the way,”don’t double down here, this casino has the cards rigged. That’s how they make their money.  You, too, can be helpful (NETG – and intensely disliked) by giving information like this.

You should STAY AT that SLOT BECAUSE “IT’S DUE”

That slot machine is about to hit. You know they go in cycles. Those cycles are programmed to pay out. I saw the same thing happen to that same machine yesterday.the guy playing it left and the next lady hit the jackpot after three pulls. So, you stay so that NOBODY gets YOUR JACKPOT!th (26)

I’m NOT PLAYING WITH A REWARDS CARD

It’s just Big Brother watching me.  You know darn well the casino connects you to all sorts of inter-web stuff.  Better to be anonymous, (NETG – so they can’t give you comps, points for dining, tickets for concerts and special gambling offers – you know, things you’ll feel guilty about later.) Besides, if they know I’m winning, they will change the payout on the machine while I’m playing.

THE END

I REPEAT my VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – THIS POST IS RIFE WITH SARCASM & UNTRUTHS. It’s BASICALLY MEANT Your ENTERTAINMENT and my ranting only.  THE TRUTH ABOUT MONEY MANAGEMENT, RANDOM NUMBER GENERATORS IN SLOT MACHINES AND GAME STRATEGY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY IGNORED. NOW, GO FLOAT YOUR BOAT.

That’s all for now.

Binbin

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