With all the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season, here is some humor to lighten the stress.
A Man Wins the Lottery rushes into his house and yells to his wife, “Martha, pack up your things. I just won the state lottery!”
Martha replies, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?”
The man responds, “I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!”
Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
Wife 1 – “My husband’s going to a casino in central Asia.”
Wife 2 – “Tibet?”
Wife 1 – “Of course, why else would he go!”
How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the blackjack dealer. The BJ player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the blackjack dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the blackjack dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?” The blackjack dealer said, “When you eat out do you tip the waiter?” … “Yes” replied the player. “Well then, he serves you food at dinner; I’m serving you cards at blackjack, so you should tip me.” “Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. So I’ll take an eight!”
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. – Comedian Steven Wright
There’s the touching story of the young man who said to his girlfriend, “I bet you wouldn’t marry me.” The story goes that she not only called his bet but she raised him five!
Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar State Lottery? The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
The best bet for a player to make is what is called a “Mind Bet” You stand behind the game watch the action and attempt to predict the winner. You never bet any real money you only bet in your mind. Last week a friend of mine lost his mind three times.
(From “Cheers”) SAM:”What’ll you have, Normie?” NORM:”Well, I’m in a gambling mood, Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.” SAM:”Looks like beer, Norm.” NORM:”Call me Mister Lucky.”
Dog Poker – A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiled and said, “He isn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
And finally – Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to swear?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
As the craziness of the season continues, we at NETG hope the preparations for your Holiday Celebrations go as planned.