VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – “Snarky, Sarcastic Gambling Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler” pokes fun at the advice by ignorant recreational gamblers. It’s BASICALLY MEANT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT AND MY THERAPEUTIC RANTING.
Gamblers around me at the casino drive me crazy. This post includes snarky, sarcastic Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler. At these times, I become a “cup-half-empty” kind of guy.The Dark Side rises and I just want choke them like Darth Vadar so they will stop talking.
The things I hear at the casino really “crushes my quads!”
(Taking deep breath………) . Ok, i’m better now.
Recreational gamblers are often uninformed. Subsequently, better gambling strategies and advantage gambling tactics are not part of their gambling repertoire. As my mother-in-law used to say, “Whatever floats your boat.”
However, I can’t tell a lie. When I hear players spout off their lack of understanding, mired in their myths, it really “agitates my aces.”
(Taking another deep breath, uttering the mantra “embrace the math, not the myth; embrace the math……)
Snarky, Sarcastic Gambling Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler
Yes, ignorance can be bliss, but mostly, it’s just incredibly annoying to hear. What if you made decisions based on the criteria that it doesn’t matter to you. You know, the reading and practice involved takes the fun out of it for you.
This post was inspired by Ryan Craggs who wrote an article for Yahoo Travel called “The 30 Worst Decisions You Can Make in a Casino.” So, here is my variation on his article. By the way, I mean no disrespect to his post. Please read Ryan’s article and all those other articles about what not to do when you’re at the casino. So, if you care about playing longer, and losing less, do just the opposite of the advice contained here. This article is for entertainment purposes only. For me, it is more therapeutic. Anything in (blue), can be believed.
Snarky, Sarcastic Gambling Advice From the OBLIVIOUS Gambler
1. FEELING LUCKY? PUNK?
Yes, remember anyone can just walk into a casino and win! Never mind that casino “house edge” that so many people talk about. Some one’s got to win, and you have as good a chance as the next guy to have blind luck hit in your favor. Besides, I have a friend who’s cousin’s aunt’s nephew never loses in this casino. NEVAH! And he doesn’t even know how to play. (The casino is not made up of absolutes such as this. One absolute you can bet on – the House Edge)
I’m entitled to free drinks when I gamble. That’s $1 more for my quarter Video Keno game. Hey, they get paid by the casino. I need to keep all my winnings. (Truth be told, wait staff, dealers, etc., make a living off those tips)
3. KNOWING WHEN TO PLAY MAX BET at slots doesn’t matter.
I never play MAX BET. Slots are all programmed anyway. Getting that progressive jackpots is basically your time or not your time. MAX BET is just their way of getting your money quicker. Besides, I just like the symbols on this slot. It’s entertainment, and it’s in a section that I can get free drinks easier. (See previous suggestion) Besides, when my card is in, and I play Max, they just make the machine tighter. (OMG, I am so tired of hearing how they can make slots tighter or looser like throwing a light switch. See the following Related Post – Slot and Video Poker Jackpots – There is No Man Behind the Curtain)
4. I don’t care if it’s 6:5, 5:6 or 867-5309 BACKJACK – I Just wanna play!
3:2, 6:5, what does it matter? Supposedly, I lose $3 on each blackjack, and increases the casino’s edge. Who cares, it’s about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right? I play 6:5 BJ because it “really doesn’t matter.”
(NETG aside – WHILE ON THE TOPIC OF BLACKJACK…. NOT HITTING ON 16 (two 8’s) vs. DEALER’S 10, SPLITTING 10’s, and TAKING INSURANCE – you don’t really care about losing? How about giving the house even more edge. If the table is “hot,” bet on your gut-wrenched hunch. Remember it’s all about the camaraderie, the fun, the drinks, and the social atmosphere of beating the house……right?)
5. I PLAN TO PLAY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. IF I’M UP, I’LL CONTINUE TO PLAY ON THE HOUSE MONEY
When I hit once, or twice on whatever game i’m playing, I’m in a ZONE – I need to keep playing. (NETG – Just a word of caution from Mr. Craggs, “There are roughly over 1,500 casinos in the U.S. alone. They’re proven moneymakers. Sure, you can win money, but if you play long enough, you won’t.”) Hey, if I’m in the ZONE, and I’m ahead, I’m playing with the casino’s money. It’s like I’m playing for free – play on! ( I’ve got news for you – Playing with house money? no, once you win it, it your money! )
6. After my bankroll is gone, I GO TO THE ATM FOR MORE MONEY. I can get those losses back, no problem.
Sure, I know about that house advantage, but this losing streak can’t possibly continue. I’m due. Need more money. I’ll get it back. (Don’t chases your loses!)
7. I love GIVING UNSOLICITED advice TO “HELP” OTHER PLAYERS.
The other day I heard that “some slots pay better if you play two credits, not three” and “that some video poker machines don’t pay out for anyone. If it’s cold, don’t play it.” By the way,”don’t double down here, this casino has the cards rigged. That’s how they make their money. You, too, can be helpful – especially when other players don’t have the secret info you know. Share this information. (NETG – and be intensely disliked)
8. You should STAY AT that SLOT BECAUSE “IT’S DUE”
That slot machine is about to hit. You know they go in cycles. Those cycles are programmed to pay out. I saw the same thing happen to that same machine yesterday.the guy playing it left and the next lady hit the jackpot after three pulls. So, you stay so that NOBODY gets YOUR JACKPOT! (Nothing is EVER DUE!!!! The RNG, the rules at table games, and all bets are not part of a continuous event – they are all independent events.)
9. I’m NOT PLAYING WITH A REWARDS CARD. It’s just Big Brother watching me.
You know darn well the casino connects you to all sorts of inter-web stuff. Better to be anonymous. Besides, if they know I’m winning, they will change the payout on the machine while I’m playing. (NETG – so they can’t give you comps, points for dining, tickets for concerts and special gambling offers – you know, things you’ll feel guilty about later.)
I REPEAT my VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – THIS POST IS RIFE WITH SARCASM & UNTRUTHS. It’s BASICALLY MEANT Your ENTERTAINMENT and my ranting only. THE TRUTH ABOUT MONEY MANAGEMENT, RANDOM NUMBER GENERATORS IN SLOT MACHINES AND GAME STRATEGY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY IGNORED. NOW, GO FLOAT YOUR BOAT.
That’s all for now.